It’s very unlikely that your new partner will just randomly ring your doorbell. It can happen, of course—and if you selected “UPS driver” as a desired trait in a mate, then your chances of that happening go up exponentially. However, for everyone else, a little legwork will be necessary to complete the task of finding your soul mate.
1. Looking for Love in All the Right Places
Where you find your partner will have a lasting impact on your future relationship. Not only are certain types of people drawn to certain types of places, but there’s a chance that you’ll spend more time in the location where you met. So try not to go to places where you feel uncomfortable or that you disapprove of. If you don’t enjoy bars, for example, heading to one to pick up a partner would be a bad idea. Not only would you potentially find someone who has alcohol-dependency issues, but in all likelihood the person would continue going to bars once you’re together.
The same goes for dance clubs, sporting events, and religious gatherings. If you don’t have a natural affinity for those sorts of places, then don’t go out of your way to meet your partner there.
However, if you do have particular interests—no matter how unusual you consider them to be—you can have great luck meeting others who share them by going to gatherings designed around them. You can find events related to almost any activity by visiting sites such as Facebook and Meetup. You may be surprised by how many people in your local area have the same interests you do.
The importance of sharing activities and interests with your partner shouldn’t be discounted. All too often people seek mates based on superficial attractions or because the other person is in some way exciting. While this is just fine if you’re playing around, it’s a terrible basis for a long-term relationship.
Sooner or later those habits you once found charming or exciting will become a source of irritation if your personality types are too different. Conversely, if you try to force yourself into a more subdued lifestyle by finding a very straitlaced, clean cut person, at some point you’ll find that you’re bored to tears. Be honest with yourself regarding your values and interests, and you’ll have a much happier, enduring relationship.
2. Venturing Out to Meet Your Soul Mate
Before you go out to find your new partner, there are a couple of things you can do to help improve your odds. Since you’re dealing with another person who has an individual set of values, lifestyle choices, and emotions, you cannot force this person to be with you, regardless of how well matched you are. At no time should you even entertain the idea of a love spell or potion. These tools cannot force people into anything against their will. The first thing you should do before you venture out is pray. Even though you may be going to a social event, your goal is to get something accomplished.
3. Dating Criteria
When you first start looking for a new partner, it can be a very daunting prospect. This is especially true if you’ve been single for a significant period of time or if being single for a lengthy period makes you feel distressed. Dating, like any other skill, becomes easier the more you work at it. Soon you will no longer feel intimidated or overwhelmed when going out to find your life partner. You must reframe your dating criteria to move this process along:
— First, you’ll no longer be looking for a casual date, so you’ll probably seek a different type of person than you did before. Physical appearance, while important, shouldn’t be the most important thing here. What’s most important is that the person fits as many criteria as possible on your list from Step 1.
— Second, the person should be stable, emotionally capable of being in a long-term relationship, and compatible with you. Opposites certainly do attract, but they rarely stay together for very long.
— A third crucial criterion that shouldn’t be overlooked is that this partner must be single already. It doesn’t matter if people claim that their partners don’t understand them, or that they’re going to leave the relationship. If they’re not currently single (and generally speaking, separated doesn’t count unless divorce proceedings have been initiated), stay far away from them.
Now we must insist on a pinkie swear from you that you won’t get involved with an unavailable partner. Deal? Great. Moving on . . .
4. Courage to Connect
Courage and confidence have a lot to do with how you find your mate. You’re potentially dealing with someone who’s just as intimidated by you as you are by him or her. When seeking a lifelong partner, traditional roles such as those dictating who may approach whom do not mean as much as they did when you were just looking for a casual partner.
This is especially true when it comes to spiritual events. Men who attend are generally very conscious of the fact that they’re in the minority and tend to behave in an introverted way. If you’re a woman, even though these men might love to approach you and strike up a conversation, they’d never do anything to violate a woman’s boundaries.
If a woman is interested in a man at one of these events, it’s imperative that she give him a subtle but clear gesture indicating that she wants to talk to him. We’ve attended and staffed a multitude of spiritual events around the world where we’ve met hundreds of men. By and large, they’re the greatest bunch of guys imaginable, but many are also beset by conflicted feelings that don’t improve their odds of finding a life partner. Even though they’re 100 percent compatible with so many of the women in attendance, these men are petrified of rejection or of offending a member of the opposite sex.
This fear, combined with women’s societal expectations that men should approach them, creates a perfect storm situation where people who are very eager for a connection end up just staring at each other without speaking. This situation also applies to same-sex partners. Obviously, something needs to change at these spiritual events and other meetups where reticence prevails, and we hope that you will be the one to instigate that change!
Somebody, at some point, needs to say something, and it may as well be you. Put aside any worries that you may be intruding or that your advances are unwelcome. That will be immaterial at that moment. All you have to do is start a conversation with this person. You may find that you have quite a bit in common if you take the time to get to know each other. The same is true for almost any mind-body-spirit gathering.
Singles go to these events to meet people precisely because the attendees are so different from the mainstream dating crowd. Therefore, don’t make the mistake of expecting to find someone who has more conventional tendencies at one of these gatherings. If for example, you want to meet a guy who will approach you and do all the talking, you can find him easily at any bar in the world. If on the contrary, you’re looking for a devoted partner who will actually listen to you and care what you have to say, then you may have to accept the fact that he will not aggressively approach you.
5. Patience and Perseverance
One thing to keep in mind is that you’ve done a remarkable job laying the groundwork for finding a soul mate so far. Keep up the good work, even when you’re out meeting new people. Don’t settle for the first person you make contact with, unless he or she is the person you’ve been manifesting.
6. When You Think You’ve Met Your Soul Mate
You will generally know whom you’re supposed to approach once you arrive at your chosen location. You may just sense something about that person or simply have a magnetic pull drawing you to him or her. If you’re feeling guided to talk to that man or woman, then you must initiate a conversation.
By paying attention to these signs, you can see in which direction you’re being guided. At the same time, it’s critically important to pay attention to any and all red flags you may notice. These are warning signs from above, so heed them! The most important thing is that you keep your own counsel throughout this process. Your friends and loved ones may mean well, but only you will be receiving the inner guidance you’ve asked for. In other words, you will be the only reliable judge of whether or not you and this person are meant for each other.
Sooner or later you’ll get into a conversation with someone you feel is your soul mate. That’s a great first step, but now is the time to really shine. You don’t want to deceive this person in any way, but you must also be aware that he or she is evaluating you, too.
This is not the moment to say that you’ve been trying to manifest a soul mate. If it comes up, you should discuss your spirituality as you would any important part of your life. Be very careful, however, if you choose to share that you’re looking for your life partner. This can scare some people off, especially if you’ve just met. On the other hand, it can be a great tactic to get those you’re not interested in to back off.
The relatively brief time you have with this person should be spent wisely. By all means, dance and have a good time if that’s what the venue offers, but find some shared ground that you can connect with him or her on. And definitely get the person’s contact information! Too many times we’ve witnessed great love connections at events, but when we check on the two parties a month later, we’re told that the individuals never bothered to get each other’s e-mail addresses or phone numbers. They assumed that if it were meant to be, they’d be magically placed together again someday. While that’s a charmingly romantic notion, it’s one that is guaranteed to cause more emotional angst than the average person is prepared to endure.
So make finding a way to contact this person again one of your top goals. If you and this person really feel you are each other’s soul mate—fantastic! However, it’s time to be patient once again. If this person truly is your intended, then the feelings will last beyond that day. You’re not meant to keep this person waiting as some sort of bizarre test, but it’s a great idea to get some distance from the situation to see if this really could be Mr. or Ms. Right—and not just Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Particularly if alcohol is involved, waiting—even a little while—is a must before jumping into any sort of relationship.
Take time to get to know each other first by communicating over the phone, through e-mail exchanges, or by spending some time among groups of people.